Painting Ugly
Oh, dear… he’s not the prettiest…
Sometimes the painting just sucks when I’m done. I’ve managed to get past the blank paper scaries, I’m full of enthusiasm for a new project, and then the ugly stage sets in. The ugly stage always comes. With Every. Single. Painting. It is the point where the shapes are kind of defined, I have an idea of how I am going to proceed with the painting, and I’m hoping that if I just keep at it, it will turn out ok in the end.
Except when it doesn’t.
I know that beauty, and by extension ugliness, is all in the eye of the beholder, but right now this painting is definitely my least favorite of the year.
Grinnell Glacier Overlook, Glacier National Park. Watercolor on paper. February 2023
What I don’t like about this painting is that it doesn’t do the reference photo or even the atmosphere of the place any justice. There is too much going on and too many sections. I feel like: 1. Your eye doesn’t know what to focus on, and 2. There is no defining element of the painting.
Grinnell Glacier Overlook, Glacier National Park, August 2022
The reference for this painting is a photograph taken at the Grinnell Glacier Overlook at Glacier National Park last summer. The overlook is located about halfway through the one-way High Line hiking trail. At mile seven, a small segment branches off from the main trail. While the overlook trail is less than a mile to the top, it is a STEEP incline to get there. Once you arrive, you have the most amazing and expansive view of the glacier, the lake that the glacier is feeding, and the valley beyond. I was hoping to capture a little bit of the sheer enormity of the view in my painting, but I couldn’t quite get there.
Progress image, Grinnell Glacier Overlook watercolor
My main problem was trying to add too much detail. I wanted enough detail to distinguish the different cliffs, the glacier, the lake, and the mountains in the distance, but it just got a little messy along the way.
I admit that I am a bit bummed.
I spent about six hours working on a painting that I don’t like, but ugly art has a role in my creative practice this year. I want this year to be about experimentation and trying to develop my skill. I have an image in my mind of what I want my artwork to look like, but my skill level just isn’t there yet, and that’s ok.
This doesn’t mean I want to paint ugly things. Who wants to do that?
Instead, I’m accepting that each ugly painting is a learning opportunity. This painting has made me consider ideas such as:
Detail image, Grinnell Glacier Overlook watercolor
Maybe this painting would be better if I tried to be more abstract
I need practice painting cliffs and rocks, especially if there are a lot of different textures. (I mean look at that foreground, what is even happening right there?)
I don’t love it, but I also don’t hate how the cliff in the upper right fades into the clouds.
I do not know how to paint clouds; I should probably work on that.
How do I create texture with watercolor? I tried different sized brushes and using dry brushes, but with limited success.
Now the above sounds very rational. It makes sense that the things that I don’t like are areas where I need to improve my skills. But, half of my brain is also like:
Wow, you really suck.
You’re going to show people this?
You should quit while you’re ahead.
You just wasted six hours of your time, when you should have been doing more important things like dishes or laundry.
You just wasted expensive paint.
You just wasted expensive paper.
YOU ARE A LOSER WITH NO TALENT
Sigh.
Sometimes the voice in our head is not very nice.
But progress is messy. It’s quiet. It’s slow. The paintings I am painting in 2023 are way better than my paintings from 2022, which are way better than my paintings from 2021. (You can read more about my very first painting in my post: How it Started). What will my paintings look like in 2025? Goodness, I hope they look better! So I tell the mean girl in my head to go away. I’ll photograph, sign the painting, post it for the world to see, and then I’ll let it go. I’ll put it in the box of my 2023 paintings with all of the others. Maybe a year from now it will have grown on me a little… or maybe a decade from now.
Grinnell Glacier Overlook, Glacier National Park, Watercolor on paper, February 2023
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